New You, New Me, New Year. 2019.

Howdy Y’all,

Happy New Year. How are you? Are you surviving the January blues? Can I share a secret? I am loving what Mother L describes as the anticlimax of January. I am not sure if it is the season of my life that I am enjoying the new quieter rhythm of Jan. December and the holiday season came and went like a blur, and I had a blast, but for the first time in what seems like an age I am sitting at my desk (in my new office, yes look at me with my own space!! Blog post soon) and all I can hear is the washer and dryer going, disturbed occasionally by Gertie (the dog) barking madly because the neighbor is leaving or returning.

January is notoriously the month of fresh starts, people set ridiculous resolutions which inevitably by their scale or severity are often failed by even now. I have been somewhat horrified on social media by this constant barrage of “New You” and “Faster Steps To Fat Loss,” information which I worry feeds into this epitome of a certain type of perfection. Trust me I am not sitting here from a place where I don’t have a want or need to make changes in my life, but I think there is so much pressure in January to “transform” yourself it causes me concern that verges on the unhealthy. I often wonder what kind of holiday season people must have that they are crackalacking and ready to go into total transformation on Jan 1.

I am taking a more measured approach this year, I am setting monthly goals that are not simply image based. I am taking the month of January and possibly February if necessary to think about the goals or my wants for 2019 and beyond. I will be frank I am on a journey of self-discovery which makes it sound like I am reading a self-help book, but I am moving to a new chapter, Little L is now at full time school and although I am not inundated with endless free time, the little I have, I want to have value. I want to use it to grow and become a better version of me. I have spent so much of the last years worrying about my family and where we are moving next that I am on autopilot. I loosely use the example of Brexit (holding out the white flag.) The UK is currently in a stalemate. They don’t want NO deal, they don’t like the deal on offer, and many don’t want another referendum. So what is the answer? Lord above knows but for me the epiphany is not is the solution but in the concept of knowing what I don’t want. I find it easy to say or know what I don’t want or can not do, either through time or talent but I am almost paralysed by fear into thinking what do I WANT? I am not sure if it is a mother thing or a woman thing where we have a predisposition to not to consider our wants, just ask Sheryl Sandberg. So I can not guarantee I will get the true answer this month or next, but I am planning to be a little more selfish (there I typed it) and focus on me and my wants. I am hoping by getting more time to cook, read and whatever else takes my fancy I might get more of a sense of my new direction. Whose with me? Fear, not my plan is where I can to share what I feel or find and if I lose a few pounds along the way (all the better.)

Ta ta for now.

Kx

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